Today has been a day...

Yep, today has been a tough day. Not necessarily a bad day, just a tough one. Chris worked from home today. I really do like him being home, it definitely has its perks. Like when I had to take Carson to swim lessons and I was able to leave the girls with him. That was nice.

But can I be honest? {don't judge!} Having him home makes me a little on edge. It's like a constant reminder that the bulk of his day is decided by him. Like when he eats lunch, when he uses the bathroom, when he takes a break, etc. This, as compared to a mom's day, is just different. My entire day is determined by the 3 little loves that are with me 24/7. It's more like IF I eat lunch, IF i used the restroom, IF I take a break - all these things are not determined by me, but rather my children. Please don't misunderstand, I love love love staying home. There is absolutely nothing else I could imagine (or really afford) to do. It's just days like today when my daily job and his daily job are viewed side by side and it is clear how truly opposite they are. Granted, he carries much different and, equally difficult, stress than I do. He must provide for a family, make decisions for a family, lead a family. No thanks, that's not my cup of tea. I definitely don't want to trade positions with him.

But today I just felt the weight of being the family grocery shopper, list maker, laundry folder, meal maker, diaper changer, schedule keeper, high chair cleaner, hiney spanker, coupon cutter, boo boo kisser, pacifier finder, reward giver, bill payer, dish cleaner, bottler washer, trip planner, trip packer, cabinet organizer, battery replacer, yada yada yada. And that's just the roles inside the home. Add to that the friends I want to keep up with, the meals I deliver for families with new babies, the part time job I have at church, the bible studies, my personal hobbies I enjoy {gasp!}, etc. Oh yeah, and add to that that I am pregnant! {cue lots of uncontrollable emotions}

Overwhelmed.

That's how I felt today. Most of them, I understand, are things I probably bring on myself. But, nevertheless, they still get to me. Chris so sweetly let me cry into his chest tonight. I didn't really want him to fix anything, just needed him to listen to me whine a little. And I realize that's what I'm doing. Even now, even here - yes, I am whining.

Because through it all, I do know and I do realize that I am so incredibly blessed. I will never deny that. I will also never pretend that I have it really rough. I'm not that dim witted. I'm fully aware of people who are truly suffering. Just this past week a sweet friend's MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer. I read about things like this or this and know that the things that get to me are simple and small. But I also believe that my God cares about my simple and small feelings. That he loves me even though I whine. So tonight I will claim this verse;

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him”, Nahum 1:7, NIV